Why Not..?

Day to day anticipation, creating a void, not yet seen but ending with something we call hesitation. That second mind of mine racing, when looking back everything was put into prior creation, with no consideration for new love, for mistakes, for laughs, for soul mates. When masking unearned loyalty and you became my crack, addiction, something that would cause so much affliction, no prohibition. You ask me why not, but I pose several questions which led me to this plot. You'll take your cut and share it with those that you got, in your line of loyalties, dumbfounded realization that I wasn't apart of these. I wanted that. To want: by Merriam dictionary definition is to need or be necessary, so don't ask me where I want to be, one in the same, I don't want either of these. Uncharted territory there are plenty of these, I let you explore all the possibilities, meanwhile leaving me empty handed at the least. Why not, because when my good wasn't good enough, and great no longer existed, leaving me double-fisted with no one to pass off to or be lifted.... the guilt, the anger, the lack thereof, I just wanted support from the one that turned it into twisted. Why not, if you can't get into my head, why let you get into my hole, whole world of being reminded of what I can't, won't, ever have 100%, but 50 would have been decent, but I digress.....

Moving forward an adjustment that I never knew I would have to repress just to get past all the mess, the insane cycle of repeating history, this isn't how I want it to be, need it to be, all so unnecessary, I keep it low key. Why not, because if it wasn't enough then, it won't be enough now, all the angst of feelings I have kept in the background, this isn't your typical fetish of right now, this is talking thorough bred, minus the BS I got your back and you got mine the rest can get down, I choose, decide to stick a-round. Knowing my own indiscretions and prior notices of your special situation, like the blind leading the blind, no room for fuck ups or off trail navigation, I didn't account for this. Now that I am counting on this, I have boundaries big and bold, loyalty that should be earned and showed, not asking for any new renovations, but this not a vacation, as much as I'd like to take a trip down memory lane, my one little person can only take so much rehabilitation.

Like that one episode of Martin recycled, always just as funny as the first time, but never funnier on repeat or rewind. Depending on the day, time, what's happening and what's mine, if I don't wanna go left then I go right, if I can't make sense of day, no point in going out at night. Confusion at it's best but this time around I want multiple choice to pass this test, but I digress.....

Moral: When it doesn't make sense right now, it isn't intended to but when hindsight reaches you, gotta know what to do with it. Always 20/20 but I had to put on glasses to even see it, so who am I.

From my Original thinking....*Muah*