That Feeling....

It’s one of those things where in the depths of your mind you know you aren’t thinking right. A love hangover where there is no cure but to ride it out only you have no map or compass to tell you which direction you are going in. A moment in time where you rather act now and ask for forgiveness later. Ever had that feeling, that sting in your heart where you are hoping the pieces don’t fall apart if you breathe the wrong way. I always said “for you I will” but never asked “will you for me?”, did I care, would it change anything, wonder if he ever got that memo, understood that meaning in its entirety. It’s one of those things where as you climb up the rope someone is tugging at the hem of your pant leg to come down but all you see is your destination. A destination you’ll never reach but you keep fighting because it means that much to you to make it there. A worthwhile struggle, getting beat was and never is an option but you were only in competition with your own mind. Can't succeed if you don't try. When you felt the extremity of every emotion because a piece of your soul had a heightened sensitivity to what they really felt. You knew when they were thinking about you. The type of feeling that can never be repeated because it was only created and meant for one. And that one took it when they dissolved into a mixture of doubt guilt and disbelief. Something not unbeknownst to me is the remarkable peace that can be given in the aftermath of organized chaos. Even though you know you’ll never truly let go, it's something that runs so deep that even if the surface is tapped your heart palpitates into anxiety. Overcoming is the only option. Standing before the brightest sun but you can never open your eyes. A brave journey that you believe will soon have you wearing x-ray lenses. Seeing right through. You can see the end of a struggle. Expressive is all I know and as many times as I have tried to let that go, it won’t let go of me. I want to feel….all of it.